Rambo and Dante

Dante: Is the Titanium alloy decrepid?
Rambo: Yes
Dante: Yes?
Rambo: Yes
Dante: Is the fudge nuts!?
Rambo: The fudge is rough nilon
Dante: Dean is rough nilon
Rambo: Yes. However, Dean barraged a Barbarian
Dante: But the Alaskan Barbarian Bludgeoned Dean... Gore...
Rambo: Dean... Yes, Dean, Chopping fudge
Dante: And?
Rambo: Dioxyribonucleic Acid
Dante: And?
Rambo: And... And... And?
Dante: Yes... AND!?
Rambo: Hmm
Dante: NUTS!?
Rambo: DANTE!?
Dante: An inch is Gore!
Rambo: DANTE!?
Dante: DECREPID DECREPID GORE!
Rambo: DANTEEEEE!!!
Dante: Fudge
Rambo: Dante!
Dante: Yes, inch fudge is rough and decrepid!
Rambo: YES!
Dante: GORE FUDGE!

Cant Live Without It

Let's be honest, the most common answer you would get from such a simple question would be phone.

NO

My pet monster; my best friend
He is big, but small, happy but angry; a helping hand to lend

My pet monster tucks me in at night; but scares me later on
I shriek, i laugh, i rage, i love; we cry when we hear that song

My pet monster is in the closet; but lives under the bed
When I arrive, he's emerged; when others arrive, he's dead

My pet monster follows me on journeys; to wonderland, and beyond
Buys me ice cream, but smashes it out of hand; hating eachother, getting along

The walls are soft, the white coat is nice; my pet monster finds him bitter
In fits of rage I battle the beast; however, he always remains the victor

75 No Pain No Gain

75 no pain no gain
75 years of glory
75 years without rain
75 years; emerged one story

75 years of head to head
75 years; still going strong
75 years; the blood that i bled
75 years; still getting along

75 years of breathless hitting
75 years of constant adrenaline
75 years of bones splitting
75 years 1 field, 15 men

75 no pain no gain
75 years turning to the sea
75 years hooking in pain
75 years of rugby

Preserving your body

To preserve beauty and youth, you must follow all of these steps.

1) Eat a good hardy breakfast every morning it is essential that you butter your toast

2) Get some exercise, go for a run or head to the gym as long as you have a strong heart you will always be healthy

3) Make sure you stay hydrated throughout the day

4) Hygiene. Hygiene is essential, if you have impeccable hygiene, you will be free of germs and not only that but you will also pick up the opposite sex easier.

5) Sacrifice a goat to the elder god C'thulu. Bathe in the blood of young calves while reciting spells from the Necronomicon which allows you to be immortal

Follow these steps everyday and you will live a happy, successful and long life.

Its party time, in Tylerville.

Tyler's Party Invites Checklist:



Jim Morrison - This man would outdrink us and provide us with intellectual philosophy induced into his poetry. He has the world listening when he talks, and his



Teddy Roosevelt - Badassery has a face and a name, that is Teddy Roosevelt. He is here, just cause he is badass. Shows up with his pet bear and pet lion and outdrinks everyone without getting a buzz.



Trey Parker - Comedic gold at its finest. Bringing Trey Parker to a party is pretty much bringing the entire cast of South Park. And also his band DVDA will play for entertainment. As if Roosevelts Lion and Bear werent entertaining enough, unless we get them to fight.



Randy Marsh - Definition of man. This is just straight textbook classic average Joe. People who knew Randy Marsh would know why I would want him to come to my party, otherwise, it is way too hard to explain why I would want him there.



Hugh Hefner - Well Hugh can only come if he brings many of his girlfriends. I dont want this party to be the international house of sausage. Hugh has all the hook-ups and he will bring the party pretty much. Plus who does not want to party with Hugh Hefner?



Andy Samberg - "I'm on a Boat!" "Im the boss" Andy Samberg is quite possibly my hero. He has created his own genre of Comedy that I have completely adored. If Andy and I met im pretty sure we would be best buds.



Staff Sargeant Max Fightmaster - Nuff Said



Jim Carrey - God among men. Legend. All mighty Jim Carrey my hero. Partying with Jim Carrey would be like



Colonol Sanders -Cater my party



Andrew WK - He doesnt stop partying... even if he has a broken foot.



When the guest begin to arrive I believe that Colonol Sanders would be the first considering he is catering my party with all his delicious chicken, and chicken products.

Changing the Past. A Remarkable Gift if Done Properly.

The longer something occurs the harder it would be to change. That goes for time travel as well. The theory is that if I can go back in time in short packets such as twenty minutes or a day or two, then changing the past to alter the future is incredible. How many times have you caught yourself saying "I should have said that". If travelled back in time to say that thing you wish you have said, it would have practically no alteration of the future except for the satisfaction of you saying what you wish you had said. Or you wish you did not say something. Well if the time you said something you wish you never said was not very long ago, then changing time is nothing. However, if one was to travel back in time to change a historic event or to just change one small little thing, the world in the present would completely different altogether. So it all has to do with relativity. If you change something that was say 20 minutes to a day or two, then there is practically no change whatsoever. If you change something in the past about 5+ years ago then alterations of the future could possibly catastrophic. Changing the past is a gift if it you use it to change things that are happening to you in the present but changing the past is a curse if you change something from a long time ago; the present alterations would be jurassic and your life as you know it, wouldnt anything like you knew it was.

The Future is remarkable.

Who would have thought that eating a piece of toast one morning would direct my life to where I am right now and where I am going in the future. It happened when I was six years old and refused to goto school. I threw temper tantrums and pretend to be sick just to stay away from the dreaded classroom. However, at this time I was in love with toast. My mother bribed me with toast everymorning to goto school then I had eventually realized that "hey school isn't so bad". I quickly adapted to the environment and loved attending school. I went everyday even when I was sick and I passed through all my grades with great success. Now I am here in grade 13 trying to force my way into the University of Western Ontario. It is hard to think that toast guided my life in the right direction. Actually I want some toast right now.

The Week I was Condemned to Hell

Sloth

I have committed sloth; But I did not commit greed
I played so many video games; My eyes began to bleed

All break I sat and watched; All break I watched and sat
Movies were my vice; Became very fat

Sloth is a sin; I am committed to hell
Double-point week on COD; spent the break living in a shell

Sloth

EXPLOSIVE VERBAL DIARRHEA

Flipcup at Highschool. that is the most fondest memory. Grad Brunch was where it happened and that is where it stayed. I was told that I was a disgusting man by mr. Roberts. Brilliance at its finest that man is. A Role model for me he is. A God of Knowledge he is.
Without mr. Roberts I would not know how to write. Instead I would be drawing pictures and taking lower level classes. What makes a man intelligent? Integrity. Knowledge. Experience. I know now what I must do in a life. If I become intelligent, would I have made the right decision?

The Encounter

The most amazing thing happened the other day. As I write this, we are all dead. All the life in the world is gone, there is nothing there anymore. There is no sun, no stars, no jupiter or pluto. Everything is gone just because of me; me and Usain Bolt.

I needed milk. Milk was a necessity in my life, something I craved, something that brought me peace. As I walked down the street I sweated, I was craving hard. Addicted to milk is what I was so I decided to start running towards the store. The it hit me. Little did I know Usain Bolt was an addict like me. He was craving hard. However, since he could run incnredibly fast the impact created a black hole. Then, nothing.

Everything is gone there is no memories. History and time, is gone. Everything that had happened has been erased.

Greatest stories the Universe has to offer.

Dagon - Originally it was a short story written by H.P Lovecraft. It is about a morphine addict who attempts to escape the world. However, the movie adaptation developed a well thought out and quite interesting story. It begins with a man and his wife on a boat cruise with another couple. Quickly the boat trip turns ugly as a storm crashes them into the rocks. In panic the protagonist travels to a nearby island where nobody can be found. After a series of events, he realizes that the town is inhabited by fish people who worship a god by the name of Dagon. The film adaptations story is something unforgettable. Although it is classified as a B-Rated film, it happens to be my most favourite movie.



Stir Of Echoes - In a symbolic sense, this is my favourite story. Kevin Bacon stars in a movie so filled with symbolism that it breaks your legs. Not much can be said about this movie except for; watch it. Every little thing in the movie has to deal with symbolism, including feathers from a pillow. It is about a man who challenges his sister in-law to hypnotize him. Accepting the challenge, she hypnotizes him and tells him to be more open-minded. This creates results that were never expected. Our star, Kevin Bacon, begins to see images of a murder and goes on a detective rampage to solve her rape/murder.



Cat in the Hat - This is my favourite moral story. Moral: do not let stupid cats into your house, because they will decimate your living quarters. Every since I have read this book, I have yet to let a stray cat into my house. It's not very fair when you have parents slave over the house to keep it clean and then to let some random cat into your house and completely obliterate it within seconds. Then what does he try and do? He tries to clean it. When all he had to do was just stay the hell outside.



Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back - Arguably the greatest story on earth. Literally it is the best storyline of all time. "I am your father" is the most quoted line in history. There is no symbolism or a moral to the story, it is just straight up literal goodness. With Star Wars there is no beating around the bush; when Han Solo is encased in carbonite, he is literally encased in carbonite. This is the most memorable story I have ever witnessed and it is the most celebrated movie of all time. Sure, I love this story, but you will never catch me at one of those conventions dressed like a wookie with a laser-crossbow.

Resident Evil - The greatest video game in the world. Nuff said.
As a kid my dad randomly took me out and bought me a playstation. I pretty much had a seizure. The next week I went back to my dad's to visit him and my new playstation, to find that he had bought me a video game that would forever change my life. Resident Evil. Due to my age, I could never get past the first part, instead I would be wandering around aimlessly trying to kill zombies while I hid under covers. So I had to watch this game and learn the story. So it was up to the greatest video gamer in the world, my brother. I watched my brother beat this game and as I screamed and cried I worshipped the video game. The story was so well developed, but it had the worst voice acting. I was in love with the game. In the present day I own every Resident Evil video game and alot of Resident Evil merchandise. Obsess much? A much too much.

The "This-does-not-make-any-sense" Short Story

You would never have guessed this happened but I became a transformer who used his powers for evil doing. It all began when I was ten years of age. I was playing with my Inferno(fire-ant)Beast Wars action figure when my mother busted in and told me to get outside because I was causing a ruckus. I quickly threw on my shoes and darted out the door. I called on all my friends to go for a hike. About halfway through the hike we passed an electric fence that did not seem to be working. Of course Colin had to volunteer me to try and climb it, so I looked up at Colin and told him "I don't think so man that fence does not look too friendly". My friends, thinking I was a chicken, called me a queer. In infuriating rage, I lunged at them with fist's of fury shouting at the top of my lungs: "DIE ANIMAL SCUM". Needless to say my friends immediately turned on me and threw me into the fence. My glasses melted to my face as two thousand volts coursed through my body. This is when something magical happened. My DNA happened to cross with my Beast Wars action figure and I became a robot. I was now Inferno The Fire-Ant Beast Warrior and my heart was filled with vengeance. When I transformed into my robot form, I unleashed a complete vortex of pain against my so called friends. I crushed Colin with a yellow Volkswagen that happened to be parked next to the fence. Needless to say, I slaughtered them mercilessly tearing them limb from limb in a complete joyous ecstasy. Still to this day I feel as if they should suffer an eternity for creating me into a monster. While they burn in hell they shall be raped by Satan viciously with an umbrella. In fits of rage I decided to hunt down their families and burn their houses. When I am done with them, what will be left? I still hunger for vengeance and maybe I will continue until the entire world bows in front of me. I will plague this world with hate just like McDonald's plagues it with fat. Speaking of which, I will skin fat people with my double-edged sword and make houses out of their lard.

Thanks to Colin and the way he tossed me into that fence, I have realized that my only friend was and is my Inferno Beast Wars action figure. Now, Inferno will always be apart of me and I swear to you, that is exactly how it all went down.

The Lament of a Sandwich

This is my lament my depressing story of woe; I am a sandwich with no ears, no voice, no soul.

In serious prose I must context; being a sandwich is not the best.

To the baker, the creator, I extend my thanks; for giving me life, that's shorter than Carlton Banks.

My life is crap, well that's what it comes to; I get brutally mangled, digested, and then I am no longer food.

If I am not eaten I am covered with mould; and I would just sit there for eternity because who would really eat a sandwich that old.

What is worse then dying? Sitting forever; Or thrown into a compost bucket with a half eaten liver.

If I am not eaten I will age 'till I'm soil; and perhaps, if I am lucky, I will become motor oil.

This is my lament, my depressing story of woe; I am a sandwich with no ears, no voice, no soul.

I have a fever, and the only perscription is to eat more books.

5 Books I long to consume:

1. Hamlet by William Shakespeare - This is my most favourite play/book. I will argue to the death that it is the greatest piece of literature on the face of this planet. If eating this book means I'll be as suave and as ingenious as Hamlet, then I'll have seconds. I wish to eat this play and every adaptation of it because it provides the necessary nutrients for revenge, and nothing tastes sweeter then revenge.
2. Naked Lunch by William S. Burroughs - I would eat this book for lunch... while I am naked. I am quite certain that if I ate this book that would be the scenario I would be in. This novel has so much to do with hallucinogens and other types of drugs that if I ate it I would be sent on a trip. I guess the reason why I would eat it is to possibly understand the novel. Finally.
3. Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Suess - Nuff Said.
4. Paradise Lost by John Milton - Nothing could taste better than Satan. A romanticized fallen angel who could skin a baby by looking at it. I would eat this poem just to possess the powers Satan has. You cannot sit there and tell me that transforming into a snake isn't the coolest thing since sliced bread. Well, considering Satan dates back before bread was invented, I suppose turning into a snake was the coolest thing until sliced bread was invented.
5. Thus Spoke Zarathustra - Friedrich Nietzche - I would really, REALLY love to eat this book. This was the hardest book I have ever read. It took me months to read because it is incredibly "wordy" and intelligent. Let's just say once I read the last page, my brain was so confused and in pain that I became borderline retarded. I want to eat this book because it is an achievement of mine and it deserves to be apart of my body.

Those are the 5 books I long to consume. Well it seems like I have alot of eating in front of me. Im going to go get started.

Sense Overload

When I was a child, I was desecrated by a Jeep. I decided it would be the sweetest idea to “J-walk” across a busy street wearing nothing but black on a dark and rainy night. I could hear sound of the tires squealing but because of the rain, the squealing stopped and the Jeep began to slide. Thinking that the Jeep stopped, I let my arms down from my head and instantly I was hurled into a vortex of pain. The sound of tires squealing annoys me because of this incident. It makes me think im about to be hit by a car. It really sucks now adays because when I am driving and I hear someones tires begin to squeel, it used to cause me to swurve but I got over that now. However, when I am walking, I still feel like im about to be hit when I hear that squeal. I just don't want to be hit by a car again, I almost died and there were only two things that night that really calmed me down. One of those was a beautiful blanket.

Paramedics told me that if I had lost another 2-3 ounces of blood I would probably be rotting in hell since I've never been to confession. Jokes aside I would have been dead. At ten years old death was at the tip of my fingers, something a child should never have to endure. Luckily for me, the man was nice enough to get out and practically save my life. He and his girlfriend rested my head upon a cotton-like blanket which the feeling still stays with me. The blanket ensured me that I was going to live although in reality the blanket was just supporting my head from the cement. To me this blanket was an angel sent from heaven. A beautiful rectangular cotton angel. Needless to say, whenever I feel cotton I feel safe.
Also that night, a unique kind of taste happened to creep into my mouth.

The hit was so devastating that my senses were set to overdrive. I remember the taste of everything that night. Besides the blood in my mouth, the most distinct taste I can remember is the taste of the night. I know it sounds incredibly wierd but it is true. There was something unique about that taste, the night tasted bitter with a hint of pine. Some nights, usually near a forest, I get that same taste in my mouth and it sends shivers down my spine. I really cannot describe this taste but when I was a kid I thought that different times of the day each had a significant taste cause I was cool. As I layed there, binge eating the night, I stared at the sirens which seemed to calm me down.

The only sights that ran through my eyes were flashing lights and the red from the blood. Needless to say, whenever I see a cop car or an ambulance driving by it makes me remember the blood dripping into my eyes and the lights flashing red. It makes me remember laying on that blanket waiting an eternity for the morning. These lights caused me to relax and calm down. Suprisingly these lights when they showed up prevented me from crying. It was either the lights or the insane amounts of blood loss that triggered this mellow state of mind. I just know that when I see these lights I know I can feel safe. However, the smell of burnt rubber drives me to the brink of insanity where it makes me almost as mad as Abba does.

The smell of burnt rubber lingered in my nose for three days after the incident while I was hospitalized. When I was hit, my head felt as if it were in a vice grip and now when I smell burnt rubber my head feels as if it is still stuck in that vice grip which never stopped closing. This feeling utterly obliterates all morals as it sends you into a fit of rage. This pain cannot be stopped.

That is the most memorable part of my child hood. The Jeep beat my senses into submission like a disobedient wife in the thirties. Now when I taste that certain taste, hear that certain sound, smell that certain smell, feel that certain texture, and see those certain lights, it brings me back to a time where death was playing "Nicky Nicky Nine-Doors" on my house.

25 Things I like to Write or Write About WITH A VENGEANCE

Here is just a quick list of 25 things I Like to Write or Write About.
1. Comparing or Contrasting Books
2. Supernatural
3. Significant or Non-Significant Writers
4. Movie or Book Reviews
5. Fungus and Bacteria
6. Biology
7. History
8. Parasites (Spinochordodes Tellinii)
9. Horror
10. Zombies
11. Shakespeares Plays (Hamlet mostly)
12. Music
13. Kings and Queens
14. Philosophy such as Voltaire, Epicurus and Nietzsche
15. Old Myths (Vlad The Impaler, Elizabeth Bathory)
16. Food
17. Beatnik Society
18. Mythological Beasts
19. Rome
20. Mental Illness/Disorders
21. Anything Superfluous really.
22. Teenage life
23. Plants
24. Zoology
25. Anthropology
26. My Name
27. John Kijonik

Tyler: Destroyer of Men

Herrow, my name is Tyler and I am a post-grad at Orchard Park Secondary School. My passion in life is rugby and it is my dream to play at an international level although I am a little too small to play higher levels of rugby. I wish to attend Western University to study Bio-Archaeology and play on the varsity rugby team. I go to the gym on a daily basis and every weekend I work at a video store. I have incredible amounts of freckles and on my free time I play connect the dots.

Video games have always been my greatest weakness. I was practically raised on collecting coins and blowing people’s heads off. During my spare time you can always find me secluded in my room with a bag of chips and playing video games until my eyes bleed.

Music is a family practice of mine. I myself am capable of picking up any instrument and learning it within a matter of minutes. My mother can sing and play guitar, and my father can play piano, guitar, bass and he can sing as well. My grandparents were musicians and all of my uncles, aunts and cousins can play musical instruments. I myself have played the drums ever since I was two years old. I am self-taught with every instrument I play and with that being said, I have been playing the guitar on the side for years and have exceeded exceptionally in doing so.

Well I hope you get the gist of who I am.