The Week I was Condemned to Hell

Sloth

I have committed sloth; But I did not commit greed
I played so many video games; My eyes began to bleed

All break I sat and watched; All break I watched and sat
Movies were my vice; Became very fat

Sloth is a sin; I am committed to hell
Double-point week on COD; spent the break living in a shell

Sloth

EXPLOSIVE VERBAL DIARRHEA

Flipcup at Highschool. that is the most fondest memory. Grad Brunch was where it happened and that is where it stayed. I was told that I was a disgusting man by mr. Roberts. Brilliance at its finest that man is. A Role model for me he is. A God of Knowledge he is.
Without mr. Roberts I would not know how to write. Instead I would be drawing pictures and taking lower level classes. What makes a man intelligent? Integrity. Knowledge. Experience. I know now what I must do in a life. If I become intelligent, would I have made the right decision?

The Encounter

The most amazing thing happened the other day. As I write this, we are all dead. All the life in the world is gone, there is nothing there anymore. There is no sun, no stars, no jupiter or pluto. Everything is gone just because of me; me and Usain Bolt.

I needed milk. Milk was a necessity in my life, something I craved, something that brought me peace. As I walked down the street I sweated, I was craving hard. Addicted to milk is what I was so I decided to start running towards the store. The it hit me. Little did I know Usain Bolt was an addict like me. He was craving hard. However, since he could run incnredibly fast the impact created a black hole. Then, nothing.

Everything is gone there is no memories. History and time, is gone. Everything that had happened has been erased.

Greatest stories the Universe has to offer.

Dagon - Originally it was a short story written by H.P Lovecraft. It is about a morphine addict who attempts to escape the world. However, the movie adaptation developed a well thought out and quite interesting story. It begins with a man and his wife on a boat cruise with another couple. Quickly the boat trip turns ugly as a storm crashes them into the rocks. In panic the protagonist travels to a nearby island where nobody can be found. After a series of events, he realizes that the town is inhabited by fish people who worship a god by the name of Dagon. The film adaptations story is something unforgettable. Although it is classified as a B-Rated film, it happens to be my most favourite movie.



Stir Of Echoes - In a symbolic sense, this is my favourite story. Kevin Bacon stars in a movie so filled with symbolism that it breaks your legs. Not much can be said about this movie except for; watch it. Every little thing in the movie has to deal with symbolism, including feathers from a pillow. It is about a man who challenges his sister in-law to hypnotize him. Accepting the challenge, she hypnotizes him and tells him to be more open-minded. This creates results that were never expected. Our star, Kevin Bacon, begins to see images of a murder and goes on a detective rampage to solve her rape/murder.



Cat in the Hat - This is my favourite moral story. Moral: do not let stupid cats into your house, because they will decimate your living quarters. Every since I have read this book, I have yet to let a stray cat into my house. It's not very fair when you have parents slave over the house to keep it clean and then to let some random cat into your house and completely obliterate it within seconds. Then what does he try and do? He tries to clean it. When all he had to do was just stay the hell outside.



Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back - Arguably the greatest story on earth. Literally it is the best storyline of all time. "I am your father" is the most quoted line in history. There is no symbolism or a moral to the story, it is just straight up literal goodness. With Star Wars there is no beating around the bush; when Han Solo is encased in carbonite, he is literally encased in carbonite. This is the most memorable story I have ever witnessed and it is the most celebrated movie of all time. Sure, I love this story, but you will never catch me at one of those conventions dressed like a wookie with a laser-crossbow.

Resident Evil - The greatest video game in the world. Nuff said.
As a kid my dad randomly took me out and bought me a playstation. I pretty much had a seizure. The next week I went back to my dad's to visit him and my new playstation, to find that he had bought me a video game that would forever change my life. Resident Evil. Due to my age, I could never get past the first part, instead I would be wandering around aimlessly trying to kill zombies while I hid under covers. So I had to watch this game and learn the story. So it was up to the greatest video gamer in the world, my brother. I watched my brother beat this game and as I screamed and cried I worshipped the video game. The story was so well developed, but it had the worst voice acting. I was in love with the game. In the present day I own every Resident Evil video game and alot of Resident Evil merchandise. Obsess much? A much too much.

The "This-does-not-make-any-sense" Short Story

You would never have guessed this happened but I became a transformer who used his powers for evil doing. It all began when I was ten years of age. I was playing with my Inferno(fire-ant)Beast Wars action figure when my mother busted in and told me to get outside because I was causing a ruckus. I quickly threw on my shoes and darted out the door. I called on all my friends to go for a hike. About halfway through the hike we passed an electric fence that did not seem to be working. Of course Colin had to volunteer me to try and climb it, so I looked up at Colin and told him "I don't think so man that fence does not look too friendly". My friends, thinking I was a chicken, called me a queer. In infuriating rage, I lunged at them with fist's of fury shouting at the top of my lungs: "DIE ANIMAL SCUM". Needless to say my friends immediately turned on me and threw me into the fence. My glasses melted to my face as two thousand volts coursed through my body. This is when something magical happened. My DNA happened to cross with my Beast Wars action figure and I became a robot. I was now Inferno The Fire-Ant Beast Warrior and my heart was filled with vengeance. When I transformed into my robot form, I unleashed a complete vortex of pain against my so called friends. I crushed Colin with a yellow Volkswagen that happened to be parked next to the fence. Needless to say, I slaughtered them mercilessly tearing them limb from limb in a complete joyous ecstasy. Still to this day I feel as if they should suffer an eternity for creating me into a monster. While they burn in hell they shall be raped by Satan viciously with an umbrella. In fits of rage I decided to hunt down their families and burn their houses. When I am done with them, what will be left? I still hunger for vengeance and maybe I will continue until the entire world bows in front of me. I will plague this world with hate just like McDonald's plagues it with fat. Speaking of which, I will skin fat people with my double-edged sword and make houses out of their lard.

Thanks to Colin and the way he tossed me into that fence, I have realized that my only friend was and is my Inferno Beast Wars action figure. Now, Inferno will always be apart of me and I swear to you, that is exactly how it all went down.

The Lament of a Sandwich

This is my lament my depressing story of woe; I am a sandwich with no ears, no voice, no soul.

In serious prose I must context; being a sandwich is not the best.

To the baker, the creator, I extend my thanks; for giving me life, that's shorter than Carlton Banks.

My life is crap, well that's what it comes to; I get brutally mangled, digested, and then I am no longer food.

If I am not eaten I am covered with mould; and I would just sit there for eternity because who would really eat a sandwich that old.

What is worse then dying? Sitting forever; Or thrown into a compost bucket with a half eaten liver.

If I am not eaten I will age 'till I'm soil; and perhaps, if I am lucky, I will become motor oil.

This is my lament, my depressing story of woe; I am a sandwich with no ears, no voice, no soul.

I have a fever, and the only perscription is to eat more books.

5 Books I long to consume:

1. Hamlet by William Shakespeare - This is my most favourite play/book. I will argue to the death that it is the greatest piece of literature on the face of this planet. If eating this book means I'll be as suave and as ingenious as Hamlet, then I'll have seconds. I wish to eat this play and every adaptation of it because it provides the necessary nutrients for revenge, and nothing tastes sweeter then revenge.
2. Naked Lunch by William S. Burroughs - I would eat this book for lunch... while I am naked. I am quite certain that if I ate this book that would be the scenario I would be in. This novel has so much to do with hallucinogens and other types of drugs that if I ate it I would be sent on a trip. I guess the reason why I would eat it is to possibly understand the novel. Finally.
3. Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Suess - Nuff Said.
4. Paradise Lost by John Milton - Nothing could taste better than Satan. A romanticized fallen angel who could skin a baby by looking at it. I would eat this poem just to possess the powers Satan has. You cannot sit there and tell me that transforming into a snake isn't the coolest thing since sliced bread. Well, considering Satan dates back before bread was invented, I suppose turning into a snake was the coolest thing until sliced bread was invented.
5. Thus Spoke Zarathustra - Friedrich Nietzche - I would really, REALLY love to eat this book. This was the hardest book I have ever read. It took me months to read because it is incredibly "wordy" and intelligent. Let's just say once I read the last page, my brain was so confused and in pain that I became borderline retarded. I want to eat this book because it is an achievement of mine and it deserves to be apart of my body.

Those are the 5 books I long to consume. Well it seems like I have alot of eating in front of me. Im going to go get started.